Born to Run

"If I end up on your team, or the B team or whatever...If I can make 10 or 15 plays that help set up goals, then I'm happy. You have to be realistic."

“Nick, your lack of hockey knowledge is quite understandable. You're a lackey.”-Former Blogger

Well, then, If this recap is completely off base then its understandable I guess?

Game Time

Since I started playing hockey with you guys I always felt that Borges was the best overall player we had. He was always the most well rounded player. Scoring, Slap shots or ball carrying skills...he could do it all. Sure Johnny and Jared may have been better pure scorers but Borges always seemed to be atop the multiple scoresheets at the end of the night. Ron may have had a better slap shot. But Borges’ slap shot has always been lethal from anywhere(mostly because he got better opportunities than me and rick green may be scared of the ball, duck!!!!). That may all be true. But scoring is all Jared has. Slap shots are all I think of when I think of Ron (and the mustache) but, JB, yeah he could do it all. He’s the best. You wanted him as your first line center, you wanted him on your first D pair. He was kind of a rich man’s Mike D. Or Mike is a poor man’s JB. However you want to look at it. Glass half full kind of thing.

This however was the worst I have ever seen JB. What a disaster.

Scratch that..disaster doesn’t describe this debacle. And it lasted basically all day on Saturday.

I guess the best way to put it is this way:

If I were to tell you before the weekend that JB would have the same amount of goals as Nick and less goals than MVW on Saturday...what would you have said our record would be?

Winning one game sounds impressive now huh?

Game 1: I hate hockey.

This game started off horribly.

Did I mention how awful JB was?

Nick was a train wreck on defense. Jack b-lite.

Ron was painfully slow getting back. Making it very obvious he wanted nothing to do with defense.

Griff was awful. But somehow, yet again, wasn’t the problem.

MVW was crashing into fences recklessly. Probably not what we were looking for.

Brett was forgettable. Which I think was something to strive for in a game like this.

Jared was odious? I don’t know Im running out of adjectives.

Bad. 

Bad is the word.  

Everyone was awful. But despite Elmira's lasting effects we were only behind in the game by a couple goals at the 15 minute mark.

It only got a little better.

After getting a quick goal by Jared to cut the deficit in half, Brett gave up his worst goal of the tournament (thus far). A slap shot from about the center line to make the deficit back to two with a score of 3-1. The defenseman probably should have blocked it too.

But the Alliance were not done. After a very poor first half, Jared was able to score yet another goal to cut Red Sauce’s lead to 3-2.

But in typical Alliance fashion, we gave back the momentum. “We don’t want this”

Quickly any hope of a comeback was gone. Two quick goals by the Hot Sauce made the score 5-2.

But then MVW made his arrival. And he rode that high all weekend. 2 unanswered goals. 2 improbable goals.

With the score now 5-4 thanks to Mike W the Alliance had a chance to pull the game out. 

But then the most embarrassing play in Alliance history finished us off. With time running out our captain decided to pull the goalie. JB had control of the ball behind our net and for some reason Borges decided to do the “flip pass”. Ya know the pass that we decided to ban from the tournament because no one could consistently execute it?  Believe it or not JB flubbed the pass right into the chest of Brett as he tried to get off the ice for the extra attacker. The ball rolled into our net. Sealing the victory for the Big Sauce. 6-4 deficit. 6-4 Loss.

Pathetic.

Game 2: We belong?

I blame Brittany

“I am not talking about tournaments. I am talking about street hockey in a parking lot with no referees and cement and no pads except gloves. I used to hang around with guys from my city who played teams from other cities and there were no rules. The games got nasty. If the other team knew they were tougher than you, they would start elbowing you in the face and swinging their sticks at your knees and punching you and cross checking you. If you fought them, there was no one there to break it up when you started getting your head kicked in. And believe me, their friends were ready to jump in and literally help their buddy kick your teeth in. I am not exaggerating. I remember one game where I got hit from behind so hard between the shoulders, from a kid who later ended up in jail for rape, kidnapping and attempted murder, that my body flew ten feet in the air and I literally did a summersault without even trying or using my arms . I landed on the cement and the future rapist just laughed at me . Later in the game, another future jailbird tried to take out my knees with his stick. He swung it like a baseball bat at my knees. I jumped and he hit my foot instead. ( He went to jail because he later tried to hit someone with his car that ticked him off.) A lot of other things happened in that game I wont get into. That was the last one I ever played.I didn't want to get permanently injured, But that was what those games were like. I can't wait to hear all the comments from this post. Let's go guys. Start laughing and making jokes. This is all true. How many of you have played with people who didn't care if you left with any teeth or not. These guys didn't like to lose and they did whatever it took to win. Believe me, I kept my mouth shut and just played.”-Former Blogger

True Story. 

But Montreal is nothing like that. Its the exact opposite actually. Everyone is apologizing if they even make contact with you. Well except Griff... “talk to the ref! get away from me!”

The Recap is back baby!

For the last couple of months I admit the recap has become a thing of the past. A forgotten art that made this once great blog great. But guess what? Now I have something to blog about. An incentive to actually wanting to write. I don’t have to write a recap about a 4 on 4 game in the middle of January. I wont have to write about Jared being shadowed by a defense all night as Cindy was ignored in the left dot. And finally Ill have a recap where I wont have to mention a Frendonism. Week after week of writing the same stuff. How many times can I write about Johnny’s decline, Frendon with a traumatic injury that is instantly cured by hockey tape or Rick allowing goals from the opposite end of the rink? I cant anymore. I’m done with that.

So I know what you’re thinking. There is going to be seemingly endless recaps day after day for the next week or so, right? There has to be so much juicy recap material just sitting out there like a giant matzah ball ready to be written. Not so fast. I’ve got nothing to work with. There is no material. No Stats. No Video. Its like it never happened. So for the first time in a long time all we have for proof is the recap. The recap is officially fact. There is nothing else. Who are you to say differently? There is only one thing I have left to figure out...who will be this year’s goat? Because what’s a recap of an event without a goat?

“We don’t have the horses to run two roll lines”

Oh yes, the hypotheticals. Do you put Borges on Defense? Griff at center? Nick at wing? Options aplenty. And the debate never ended because the Captain never made up his mind. But he had to settle on something so this is what we were left with:

Brett in net (for now...Griff was still an option after a game one panic)

Nick and Ron Rotating on Defense (Nick has to play 90% of the game I guess)

JB and MVW Rotating at Center

Jared and Griff Rotating at Wing.

No full line changes would be necessary,  We were doing the Saugus method. Sub when ready (or not at all).  The only person this rule didn’t apply to was Griff. He could be called off at any moment. He paid a different amount to play than the rest of us.

“What’s in name?”

In honor of the 2012 Muckers’ Champions this year will be the last time that we will go by the team name “Alliance”. Which had I known was a Star Wars reference I probably would have suggested a change years ago. Was there really no better options? No one thought about putting a gas mask on a aardvark?  Anything? No wonder why the Alliance never won anything.  

Trophy Defense

So for the first time since May 22nd 2012 a team from Massachusetts and New Hampshire (Hampstead and Salem respectively right Griff?) was back in Canada ready to defend the Muckers Trophy.

 But this time we moved up a level. We were too good for Muckers. We were going for the Intermediate Trophy. Now I know what you’re thinking. The team loses Eric and Darrin, which forces our best player to play net, and you decided to move up? 

Forget the trophy defense...we were looking at a 0-3 regular season.

Or were we?

Next: Game One Recap: I hate the early games

Recap Delays ( yeah I know)

Im sorry but im not sure if you heard but Grady Sizemore was DFA today. And as president of the Gradys' Ladies fan club it was a rough day for me.


But seriously, Its coming! I promise. The first one is stupidly long but actually entertaining...but I aint done. Im quitting for the night. cant rush perfection. Id honestly be happy with a recap a week. Its just another way to keep the vacation going!

Besides...we have a whole 365 days...an entire winter...a whole year of saugus hockey before more recaps will be written.

brett Im waiting for the video!

Hockey this Sunday at 5:30. Who is in?

Still need another goalie since I haven't heard from Mike yet.

The Home Of The Recap Stats Database Rules And Regulations

With all the excitement of the new, up to date stats coming next year, I thought it to be best to be as transparent as possible with how and why the stats will be kept the way they will, all the while keeping in mind that I want this new database of stats to be as holy and sacred as Johnny views the old stats. We don't keep track of stats for the fun of it, it's for personal glory.

The following are factors that will determine whether stats will be tracked in the new database:

1. Playing Surface Condition/Material

     - Playing surface must be of highest grade PVC tile manufactured in Arizona by by the Jorge Nunez Co. or some paved/ poorly drained asphalt by some guy who works for the Lawrence park department put down.

     - If the moisture content on the PVC tile is 94% or below with trash barrels catching the stream of water poring through the roof, or if the PVC tile is slicker than ice itself, stats will count.

     - If the asphalt causes the ball to "stick" on one of Johnny's shot's more than 3 times in 2 hours, stats will not count.

     - Due to the small rink being surrounded by chain-link, Demaio's stats will be de-rated by 34% due to the clear, undeniable advantage it gives him.

2. Balls Allowed

     - If weather outside is so as to cause the pink ball to be squishy, switching to the orange ball will be permitted as long as goalies agree on allowing it.

     - If the temperature inside causes the pink ball to be too hard, the yellow ball will be allowed as a substitute with a pro-rating on the goalie stats due to the 17% increase in the difficulty to see the ball itself.

     - Tie-dye balls are out of the question.

3. Rosters

     - If the roster on any given night contains more than 55% of regulars (a player with over 63 games played. i.e. Cliff, Lee, Cindy, Lenny and the much improved Matt Schumale) Stats will count.

     - If the roster on any given night contains less than 55% of regulars stats will not count unless I am present and accrue 12 points or 4 PPG (which ever is less)  then stats will count.

     - Stats from games of 3 on 3 are allowed on all surfaces.

4. My Mood

     - If I'm leading in stats and miss a week and Jared makes it a tight race with a 17 point week, stats will be delayed till 3 weeks from then but no more than 4.

     - A winning percentage of 60% or more is usually enough to keep me content.

     - Phantom points complained about will be adjusted with no witness needed to confirm the accusation.

I can't wait for September. In the meantime, I'm hoping Frendon can send over all the stats from this year if he still has them and I can get those up and posted.