WPR was not able to post this week so he sent me his rankings to post here. I still have no idea who the identity of WPR actually is. Its one of life’s greatest mysteries. On we go!
Return of the King
1. Dave – Cant say anything bad about Dave. Even if I wanted to, who would listen? Dave was the best player out there and I’m pretty sure he was only giving it about 75%. Next week John goes in net and Dave has to play out. Then we can trash him.
2. Chris – The Chris that scored zero goals played amazing. Sometimes its not about the stats.
3. & 4. Billy and Nick – Both Nick and Billy were a defensive force to be reckoned with as they held the dark team in check all night long. If I had to give the edge to one of them, I suppose it would be the obviously better looking one. He knows who he is.
5. Johnny – Started off with noticeable rust, as it has been a long time since he played out of net, but managed to find his shooting touch later on. He gets bonus points for not doing the infamous 4-minute sub at the start of game 2. But he loses points because he probably should have.
6. Mike M – The best Meadows player on the night looked like a young Jared out there. I hope I can look that good when I’m 85, too.
7. Jared – One lucky goal and three vulture assists. Might be Jared’s worst stat night in a decade. Still, Jared on a bad day is better than most others on a good day, as he still managed more points than 8 other people. I’m feeling nostalgic so I dug up an old Jared quote from 2015: “Jared has no sympathy for his teammates and no excuses either...Lead them, Jared. Lead them." He did not lead them.
8. Jon I. - Iggy was there. I saw him.
9. MVW - Ward did a lot of pointless running. But that's not all. He also did a lot of pointless back-checking too. How does it feel to be ranked behind Iggy this week?
10. Hardy – Jason plays like Bane getting cut in a buffet line by Batman. Kinda looks like Bane, too. Bonus points if he finds a Bane mask to wear next week and does the voice. Unfortunately those bonus points aren’t going to make it onto the stat page.
11. Scotty Jr – Had a career night, and could have been ranked higher but let’s not set the bar too low, now. He also missed 17 wide open opportunities to put the game away, including one empty-netter that he somehow hit the post square on. Who do you think you are? Griff in the Haverhill Cup? No. Because Griff missed the whole net entirely.
12. Lee - Lee fell down and go boom.
13. Teddy – We don’t need to address the elephant in the room. Teddy was no elephant in net. He will get better. Just needs more practice, better equipment, and about +50 pounds. (Don’t worry, kid that part comes naturally with age).
14. JB – Yes, it’s true, Borges was not there this week (shocker), but rest assured he was better than Brett, even while staying home with his butt firmly planted on the sofa, eating Ho-Hos and watching Philipino Slapfighting on ESPN Deportes.
15. Chris – The Chris that had zero assists played like trash. Sometimes it IS about the stats.
16. Brett – Brett was awful this week. Missing the net on wide open shots and then blaming someone else when he broke his own stick makes Brett not only the worst player in Saugus, but the worst person as well.
Honorable mention – Gabe. He missed his big chance to play his very first Saugus game but we all know that if he did play this week he would have been the very best Driscoll out there on the ice.
The glaringly Obvious omission – Frendon. WPR reserves the right to always rank Frendon last regardless of his performance. However, this week Brett was so odious that he could not be moved from the last spot. To rank Frendon anything higher than last would be blasphemy, so he is left off the list. But rest assured, when WPR returns next time, Frendon will be back at the bottom of the list, where he belongs.
