Nick's Sunday Night Ramblings:
Griff are you still alive? Did you die from a massive coronary yet? Im sure the fat jokes will be all over the site this week. I hope you guys are better than me at writing them. The best one so far was by Brett: "Griff is so fat when he wears his red shirt everyone yells 'cool aid...cool aid!!'" Mike D had 3 goals tonight.Dale, how old is Griff? Who does Dale remind you more of: Steve Carell or Dwight from the office? I know Griff reminds me of Kevin...because he is so fat. hehehee. What was your funniest moment of the night? I loved when Dale mocked Griff's laugh. So Brett, you get mad at Dale (rightly so) you get off right away and you leave immediately...some of us would be proud. Ok, I know, I know, the hand. I bet you wish you could have stayed and watched though. Funniest moment of the year. I'll give praises (im sure I have a lot) and criticism tomorrow, let's focus on the jokes for now. Remember, Dale went to PEA and has an art degree, make sure you are very clever!
145 comments:
I just want to let everyone know I have spent the past hour searching the internet for diets. I have found a couple promising diets so far.
Anorexia Nervosa - is a psychiatric illness that describes an eating disorder characterized by extremely low body weight, body image distortion and an obsessive fear of gaining weight. Individuals with anorexia nervosa are known to control body weight commonly through the means of voluntary starvation.
or
Bulimia Nervosa - is an eating disorder characterized by recurrent binge eating, followed by compensatory behaviors.[1] The most common form is defensive vomiting, sometimes called purging; fasting, the use of laxatives, enemas, diuretics, and over exercising are also common.[2]
Maybe everyone can help me pick which weight loss method is best. Please help because Dale alerted me to the fact that I could literally have a heart attack at any moment. Scary... I know. Try being me.
Anywho... In case no one knew the difference between me and an elephant it is only 50 pounds. Soooo I clearly weigh approximately 8,000 pounds. I should seriously get on a diet... if I don't have a heart attack tonight. Good thing I have a defibrillator.
This has to be the most amazing night of my life. Too bad Brett missed all these amazing jokes.
I forgot to post this self portrait before I start losing weight. I want to make sure everyone has documentation of how big I am.
Please click on this link:
http://neatorama.cachefly.net/images/2008-02/manuel-uribe-fattest-man-diet.jpg
can you die already??? your so fat!
Griff we'll take care of melissa after you die this week.
Make sure you have plenty of Bayer asprin on hand.
oh and don't worry about me. My hand just turned purple for the night but i think i'll be ok as long as it doesn't turn black.
My problems are nothing compared to Griffs
Griff's shadow weights 47 pounds.
i'm gonna say ther jokes don't stop at the end of this week
Reg sayz: Hey Brett, whats wrong with " black hands"!!!!???
Griff is so fat that when he goes to the beach all the whales sing "we are family"
Griff is so fat that the static electricity generated by his thighs rubbing together could power New York City
Griff is so fat he can't even jump to a conclusion
Griff is so fat his blood type is Ragu
Griff is so fat he could sell shade
Griff so fat he wore a yellow rain coat and people started yelling "taxi"
Griff so fat that when he had on one of those X jackets helicopters tried to land on him
Griff so fat that when his beeper went off people thought he was backing up
Griff is so fat he has more chins that a hong kong telephone directory
my bad for posting a joke that was on the poll
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4W4KrTggWo
SPECIAL HOLIDAY EDITION
Top 5 fattest people in Saugus:
5 Griff - Lenny would have been in the 5 spot but he hasn't shown in a while and I’m starting to think that Griff ate him.
4 Griff's Doctor - The only way a Doctor would let one of his patients get so fat was if he was fat himself. So he must be huge too
3 Griff - I think people have been disfellowshipped for getting as fat as Griff is. Not only is his health on the line but also his spirituality.
2 Melissa Griffin - I'm not saying she's fat at all! But she's contributed to the extreme obesity of her husband by cooking him whatever he wants. So She's definitely at fault for creating the # 1 fattest person of all time to show at Saugus.
1 Griff - He's so fat he made the list 3 times. It's hard to believe that he has the will power to not celebrate thanksgiving. That's why i don't believe it at all. Therefore the "After Thanksgiving Griff" is projected to be the fattest person in Saugus. With "Current Griff" in the 1A spot.
Griff is so fat he plays pool with the planets
Griff is sooooo fat....he got baptized at SEA WORLD!!
Griff is so fat he has 2 watches, one for each time zone
I just wanted to let everyone know I did have a chance to meet with my doctor this morning. I set up an emergency appointment after the news last night. I couldn't believe my ears when he actually confirmed I was overweight (I know...shocking).
I wanted to express my disguist with all my friends and family who never told me I was overweight. I can't believe no one told me until last night. I am actually still in shock and the reality probably won't set in for a while.
I have not eaten at all since last night so I should be down at least a pound or so. I would weight myself but the scale broke (cheap Chinese scales max out at 350lbs...). I have been using the scales for trucks at the weigh stations. They are the only scales capable of handling my obesity.
I will keep you updated.
Dale always provides great material for the blog
WPR - why the hate? I'm not fat, just svelt. :)
Hey Brett:
HAPPY SLAPSGIVING!!!!
What does that even mean?
i just want to say to dale that i have no bad feeling for the play last night. I flipped out cause i was in a lot of pain. But that's my fault for trying to play with a bad hand.
hey brett you just need to be fat like griff and you wont even feel it, you'll just hide the pain with 10 big macs
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slapsgiving
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slap_Bet
At least he didnt do this to you:
http://www.nowpublic.com/sports/devin-hester-getting-tackled-pants-down
HAhahaha thats the funniest thing I've ever seen on prime time football!
Slapsgiving 2.0 on tonight...
YES!!!
I don't know who said that I said "Hey Brett, Happy Slapsgiving." (I think I have an idea, though.) I DID NOT POST THAT!!!!!!! That's pretty low. Hiding behind my name and saying something to Brett. Whoever did it better own up to it. Brett, I want to apologize for hurting your hand. I didn't know you had stitches. I thought you were okay because you were playing. Regardless, I was trying to press you against the boards with my hip but I mistimed it and you went over my leg. I was not trying to trip you. I'm sorry. I hope you are okay. Let me just say for the record that GRIFF'S biggest problem is not his weight. It's the fact that he likes to stir up trouble and that he slashes people all the time when someone breaks him up. He never owns up to it, though. He has an excuse every time someone mentions it to him. I hope he doesn't seriously hurt someone with his stick some day. I know if he does he will just make excuses and feel no need to apologize. As long as you win at all costs, right Griff?! Most people think you are the dirtiest player there. That's really something for a Christian to aspire to, huh? Okay, Griff..Now it's your turn to start laughing off everything I said in your usual childish, irresponsible, passive aggressive manner. Don't own up to anything. That would be the mature thing to do. Just keep slashing everybody. It's what you do best. Oh, and don't worry about hurting anybody. They are only fellow brothers.
By the way, I don't get the Slapsgiving joke. It's stupid. Besides being a coward and hiding behind my name. (Why do I think it's probably Griff) the joke isn't funny.
Busted Teeth Says: Griff has hurt someone and it was very painful. Can we please stop with all the Christian this and that.. where were those thoughts when you were arguing. Why is it after the fact that people start quoting scripture and making comments about "brotherhood". Be a "christian" at the time of the incident not when you feel its time to jump on a medium to moderately "high horse"
The Real REAL Dale says...
That was not ME! That was Dale 2. I say that griff is just a fat slob. I like to call upon his christian qualities and then quote scriptures of how i am 'hurling pearls before swine' after i just spent the last 10 minuets trying to demean a 23 year old guy by calling him fat. i am the man!
"Mmmmm.. mmmm.. mmmm.. yes".. that's what i thought.. when we he poked my stick away and stole the ball from me.. "wow.. he is somethin".. I watched him beat me to the ball and dash in for the score. Sweat drippin off of his forehead .. his red tshirt all damp and sweaty. It was at that point i realized that Griff was "PHAT"!.. sigh
Fake Dale says: "GET REAL"!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!
Shutup..
Dale - That definately wasn't me posting under your name. I know your comments would be a lot funnier and ridiculous than that quote.
Anyways, Your the best and I am the worst. You are very good looking and I am not. You are the best Christian and I am terrible. You are incredibly skinny and I am incredibly obese.
There you go Dale you're the best. YAAAAAY!!!
Griff you have a secret admirer!!!
Dale - I also will admit I am very physical and at times I get carried away. I am not sure I have ever denied that.
That being said even I haven't been overly aggresive when playing against Brett. It is irritating when someone plays overly aggresive against Bret when he clearly has a serious injury on his hand whether it was intentional or not.
Of course that is Brett's choice to take that risk but I believe he was assuming everyone would use a little common sense in the boards. Not to mention Bret was our best player.
I am over the whole thing and would really like to focus on enhancing my fat joke repertoire. That is now my main focus (besides losing a few hundred pounds)
I should not have argued. I agree. I apologize for that. It was unchristian. However, Arguing and deliberately trying to hurt someone on a consistent basis are two totally different things altogether. Almost everybody has argued there at one time or other. Not everybody plays dirty on a consistent basis, however. Griff constantly is in my ear saying things all through the game and every game that most people don't hear. If someone was constantly provoking you for weeks and then said something to you after the game,and was telling other people you tried to deliberately hurt Brett, maybe you might lose your cool. Besides No one knows, including Griff that I once got nerve damage from one of Griff's slashes. The inside of my leg right near my groin hurt for 4 months from his slash. I am not on any high horse. I am tired of his mouth and his dirty play. There is no place for it in even a worldly game. When He really hurts someone worse than he already has, you guys are going to wish you put a stop to it sooner. He is not a friend of mine like he is one of yours. He spends a lot of his time trying to stir trouble with me. HE IS A TROUBLE MAKER AND I'M SICK OF IT. Its true I expect to be treated better than that when I am with brothers. I have already made up my mind that if Griff continues to make me lose my temper than I should not play anymore. I am making a fool of myself and setting a very bad example. I am embarrassed by both of our actions. Some of you are making a joke out of it. I don't think it's funny. It does reflect on Jehovah. We are always supposed to represent him in a good way. I did not. I don't know how Griff feels. I do know he starts it all the time. That does not give me the right to counter. I never make fun of people's weight. He ticked my off because he make a personal remark about me first, as usual. I am far from being on a high horse. I am embarrassed.
well I'm embarrassed for the both of you.
back to the fat jokes:
I wanted to talk about Griff behind his back but my car only has a half tank of gas.
after weeks of playing defense i am finally on the stat sheet! 1 goal and 1 assist, boomshakalaka! write that down john!
griff you might not slash as much if you have dungarees on...your probably too fat to wear them but i think wal-mart sells those strechy kinds
New poll: What is the hot topic of the week:
1. Griff's Uber-Fattness
2. Dale vs. Brett Debate
I'm sorry Dale. I apologize for saying mean things to you. I am over it and hopefully you are too.
You will probably think I am being sarcastic but I am sorry for what its worth.
I am going to keep playing and hopefully you do too.
OMG.. peed myself with the "half a tank" fat joke enough of this touchy feely crap!! Bring on more fat Jokes..!
Hey Brett! Why did the one handed guy cross the road? To get to the second hand shop!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! W00oot!
The initial confrontation last night was understandable: Brett was rightfully irritated since he was taken down and has concern about his hand. Griff was upset seeing how somebody would play rough on Brett like that. I am assuming Dale did not know the seriousness of Brett's injury (or that his hand was not at 100% yet) and did not know why everyone was flipping out at him.
All of that being said, the rest of the situation could have been handled better. There was no need by either Griff or Dale to "get the last word in". If just one person backs down, the matter just ends. Granted, at that point everyone's upset, but it just takes one person to "do the right thing" for everything to calm down - whether they are 50 or 23.
Now Dale does have a point, Griff has been known for rough play in the past. However, the last couple of years he has gotten much better with that. As for Griff chirping at Dale, I haven't heard it but I'll say this: Ryan, knowing now that it bothers him, simply don't do it. On the flip side for Dale, not everything he says is meant to be a personal attack on you. Also, avoid blanket statements like "he starts it all of the time".
On a separate note: from now on, if play has to stop like it did last night due to people arguing - both players need to sit until the next goal is scored - no need to waste everyone else's time while players are yelling at each other back and forth. If you can't calm down while on the rink, then take the time off of the rink to regain your composure before coming back out for a shift.
As for calls like offsides or score disputes, let the two captains sort it out. Having everybody shouting at once gets nothing accomplished.
Now, back to your scheduled fat jokes...
i do feel kinda left out.
A point on Griff's rough play. he's never hurt me and i've never seen him hurt anyone else.
His slashing is always stick on stick (legal if he doesn't break yor stick) or he slams the ground to intimidate you. IT WORKS!! he gets inside peoples heads and then they play scared verse him.
As for the trash talking, who cares!!!!
He says mean things? are we in 3rd grade? are you gonna go tell the pricipal on him? My goodness people get some thicker skin and stop mentioning spirituality!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The fact that someone even brings is very hypocritical. Seeing as we're not suppose to compete against one another. SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT!!! and stop coming if your spiritual conscience will continue to be bothered. we don't want to stumble you
I'm not going to say anything to Dale anymore. I pinky swear.
When Griff puts on his belt he has to use a boomerang (belt size = equator).
Look at that bulge. Don't pretend you're not impressed.
Hi.. Im Johnny Riley and I love to be the nice guy.. shake hands and hug boys!! BAH...
Griff is so fat he stepped on the scale this morning and saw his phone number!!!
Or...
is so fat when he stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
or: it said, "One at a time please"
or: it said, "Please, no circus animals."
Where are the stats?
Griff fell over in the sand at the beach and rocked himself to sleep trying to get up. He was eventually awakened by a lifeguard who asked him to move back because the tide was waiting to come in.
Griff showed up at the movies just before the
performance started and handed the usher two tickets. "Where's
the other party?" asked the usher.
"Well," said Griff, with a blush, "you see one seat
is a little small for me and rather uncomfortable so I bought
two. But they're both really for me."
"Okay with me, pal," the usher replied, scratching
his head. "There's just one problem. Your seats are numbers
fifty-one and sixty-three."
Seriously though, Griff isn’t fat, he insists he’s just 4 feed too short.
Griff is so fat people confuse him for Rex Ryan
matt d
Stats won't be up till tomorrow...sorry guys.
Brett. I remember you and I were trash talking to each other once and it got pretty heated. Jarod had an argument earlier about the score with Griff and others, including you. I've seen other people get really heated at each other. I am far from the only one who gets upset at trash talking and other comments. Don't make it sound like I'm the only thin skinned player there. Lee left after one comment from Brendon about a month ago. Why don't we do an experiment and invite someone new to Saugus. I will act like Griff and say some of the things he says to me all the time throughout the game and I will swing my stick a lot. Let's see if the new guy gets ticked off. I bet I can get him to lose his temper. I remember it didn't take you much to get mad at me Brett. I mocked something you said to me and you were pretty upset. Griff does it ALL THE TIME. You guys can't handle it either. I see players get mad all the time for just one comment. Let's get real. There are more thin-skinned people playing than thick-skinned people.
i don't care if people get mad. just don't whine about it. Do it back to them. Yes everyone gets mad but i don't think i've ever resorted to making fun of someones phisical being. I make fun of peoples tallent all the time. But hopefully they can take a joke(when i'm joking).
I'm terrible at trash talking anyway.
What did you mock me for? i don't even remember. But that's the point. It doesn't bother me so much that i hang on it for weeks.
i argue people all the time on this site cause it's fun not cause it bothers me. I try to induce people into arguing. And most of the time i'm successful.
if i made it seem like you're the only one who get's mad or is thin skinned, i didn't mean to. There are tons of people who can't take a zinger or a shot at them and they end up never posting again or they stop playing for a while(cough...brendon...cough).
Go look at the post before i ever started posting.... nothing much to read about. Controversy is captivating.
You want to talk about hypocrites. Why did some of you stop me from trash talking back to Griff. If it's okay, let me keep doing it. He made the first comments AFTER the game. And during. Why stop it, if it's okay. I had a lot more fat jokes to say. Its all good, clean fun right? It's just part of the game!!! I'm sure it want end in a hard check or a fist fight or both after a while. Just so everyone knows, if I haven't made it clear, I usually let it go game after game after game til I get fed up. So now part of my game is to say it back all through the game. Don't anyone try to stop me or say that's enough, Dale. Remember, I'm just trying to get in Griff's head. It's my new strategy to win. You should respect and admire me for that brilliant strategy just like you do him. And I'm glad to know that spirituality will no longer be a factor in how I play. AWESOME! I'm glad I get to check that at the door when I come in to play for now on. I wont bring it up again. Is everyone alright with that. Am I okay now. I wont get on my high horse again.
physical
Dale why don't you list some of the things Griff has whispered in your ear while playing.
He must whisper cause i've never heard his trash-talking.
they told you to stop cause it was stopping play.
Apparently you don't know where to draw the line when it comes to things like this it's either one extreme or the other.
i don't think you know what trash talking is. Trash talking usually has to do with the sport you're playing. Like saying "you'll stop him all night" or "you stink" or "why don't you learn how to shoot."
you know, i read some of these posts and it boggles my mind how people think. It's almost hilarious.
Dale, dont make this into the "why is everyone out to get me!" kind of thing. It doesnt work-because it's not true.
"We" told you to shut-up or quit "trash talking" because trash talking is harmless fun. For the most part, it goes unnoticed by everyone not invloved. It's supposed to go in one ear & out the other. When "your" tireless arguments effect the amount of hockey I get to play it makes me angry! It ruins my fun.
Hey Dale at the very least, look at it this way. We told you to shut it because we thought you'd be the bigger man. I'm not saying that's true though :)
In the end take advice from Pumba:
You gotta put behind in your past!
Brett, while I agree with your general point I dont think it's your call to say what has or hasn't been said to Dale by Griff (or anyone for that matter). I know I dont hear everything said. Let's face it what you or I might consider harsh may be completely from what dale does...(almost like the eye of the beholder thing...almost)
But it doesnt matter, it's in the past...the way I see it, you could either run from it or learn from it! (Riffiki...lol)
The general idea applies, things happen get over it! Make better descions, and help me get on the stat sheet with matt davis.
Ok, no more google searched fat jokes. I want some clever ones that are made up by yourselves!
griff at age one
http://jmbblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/fat-chinese-baby.jpg
You guys are calling it trash talking. I'm not. It goes beyond trash talking. I don't care if someone says they aren't going to let me score or they are going to be on me all night, etc. Griff tries to get personal. He knows what he's trying to do. He probably wont own up to it. I don't care who hears it or doesn't hear it. I hear it and it's more than trash talking. There is nobody there except him that I have a problem with. If you ask Griff what he thinks of me and he's honest about it, he would probably tell you that he does not like me. It's pretty obvious. He has been a jerk to me since the first game I ever played there. I don't think everyone's out to get me. Just Griff. Sometimes I really wish we were in a worldly league. It would have stopped the first game.
Dale, see there is a line
this comment crosses it
"Sometimes I really wish we were in a worldly league. It would have stopped the first game."
So say Griff is crossing the line, does that mean you have to?
"I am far from the only one who gets upset at trash talking and other comments."
"Why did some of you stop me from trash talking back to Griff"
Hey Dale, these are direct quotes made by you calling your "conversation" with griff trash talking.
I just say them like i see them...anyways.
hey dale, just let your playing ability do the talking.
I have never made fun of anyone's physical issues before. After the game Griff was telling somebody else( making sure I could hear) that I deliberately tried to hurt Brett and he made a crack about my age. He was trying to push my buttons during the game, too. That's why I did something I've never done before. Insult someone overweight. He got what he tried all night to get. It's the same thing he tries to get every game... me to lose my temper. I usually ignore his foolishness but I had a very bad week and I just wasn't in the mood. I went there to have some fun and get some exercise. Not to be insulted and lied about. He kept talking even after the game was over. It was not part of the game. I felt bad that Brett got hurt and I didn't need him to start causing trouble. Me to lose my temper.
I'm just being honest. Sometimes I wish I could get it over with. I just want to play hockey, that's all. Yes, there are times I want to really shut him up. But I don't do it, do I. We all have bad thoughts, don't we. I don't act on them. But he does cross the line...all the time.
Griff is so fat he uses a mattress for a tampon.
that's nasty...(cleveland voice)
I would rather get along with Griff than argue with him. I just don't see him saying: Okay, I will just be quiet and play. There actually are people who trash talk me and it doesn't bother me because I know it's not personal. With Griff I know it is personal with him. That's the difference. For whatever reason, he has had a thing against me from the beginning.
Dale is so fat that birth certificate is a letter of apology from trojan incorporated.
The point I'm trying to make is that Some people say and do things they feel they can get away with without having to face the music. When I was Griff's age I played street hockey with worldly guys where if you said and did things to other players like he does you had to be ready to fight. I don't think he has ever been in that type of situation so he says what he wants to because he thinks he can get away with it. That is my point.
"I just don't see him saying: Okay, I will just be quiet and play"
let me repost what Griff posted 4 hours ago becuase it went right over your head:
"I'm sorry Dale. I apologize for saying mean things to you. I am over it and hopefully you are too.
You will probably think I am being sarcastic but I am sorry for what its worth...."
He continued:
"I'm not going to say anything to Dale anymore."
sigh...there i go quoting people again
Hey Nick,
Your're ugly and you can't read good.
i nominate this post above as the funniest post this year.
i wish I was that funny
I did miss that. I just read it. Thanks Nick. I will chill out and try to get along with Griff. I also apologize for saying Griff was probably the one who was pretending to be me. He says it wasn't him. I would still like to know who it was.
Dale maybe you should take a break if you have to hold yourself back from punching someone every week.
Guess what Dale, we've all played in leaugues with guys who have worse tempers than you. And it's never resulted in a fight. And something tells me that no human punch could get through all Giff's fat to actually cause damage to him.
Either way this arguement is getting old.
tell you what. We'll put you two on the same team and hopefully that will stop him from whispering sweet sweet nothings into your ear.
Dale no one is out to get you. Not even Griff
Brendon feels the same way about me. He thinks i hate him. But there's no reasoning with him. I don't hate him. but he wont accept that. Don't think the same way brendon does.
You're a good talent to have in saugus. and you know i'll defend you on most subjects. But talking about "oh if only we could fight....." that's immature.
So let's just turn the other cheek.
Griff you can pick any one of your 74 cheeks to turn
Wow you guys are really out in left field this week. What a screwed up bunch of posts.
Feel free to bash me for being all scriptured up for being at the Int'Conv in Hawaii.
no we still want to make fun of Griff.
ron you are so good at hockey that you make griff look like a fat guy...or maybe thats just his face
Wow, did my point get totally lost. I was not one of those people who picked fights at hockey games in the world. I was not a tough guy with a bad temper. I said trash talkers got into fights. I kept my mouth shut and just played. I did not get into fights unless someone punched me first. I am NOT saying I wish there were fights. C'mon Brett, do I act like I'm looking for a fight when I play. I NEVER USE MY STICK LIKE A MANIAC! I Always swing at the ball, not the body or the stick.? I said people like Griff who mouth off all the time and use their stick usually get punched. I am usually not in people's faces trying to prove myself. All I said was he provokes me. I know you played in leagues with players with worse tempers than me, That is exactly what I'm saying. Griff should try it with one of those types instead of me and see what happens. I am not saying I am one of those types. That's the point. Try it with someone who wont put up with it for a second... instead of me. If I wanted to fight I would have done it already. I said if I feel I'm going to swing I wont play anymore. You lost it at least as much as I did that night. So, what. Does that mean you want to fight?
Not only do I want NO fighting, I want the stuff that can lead to fighting to stop. So don't say I am immature for wanting to fight. I want the opposite. No needless provoking and personal attacks, please.
Griff has played in leagues Dale.
0 fights, 3 game misconducts. in 1 tournament.
so he does talk and slash no matter what.
but who wants to fight a walking piece of Jello?
i agree with dale, no personal attacks, no need to make fun of fat kids, it's usually a glandular problem anyways.
Anyone else a little creeped out still by Dale's bizarre mocking laugh that was in response to Griff's laugh?
I think Dale is trying to stop the chance of a fight and not start one. I get it. Anymore fat jokes?
What are these personal attacks Griff is constantly saying to you? Please enlighten everyone.
and the difference between me and you last night is that i was in incredible pain, you weren't
i admire Griff for staying out of this
I am not talking about tournaments. I am talking about street hockey in a parking lot with no referees and cement and no pads except gloves. I used to hang around with guys from my city who played teams from other cities and there were no rules. The games got nasty. If the other team knew they were tougher than you, they would start elbowing you in the face and swinging their sticks at your knees and punching you and cross checking you. If you fought them, there was no one there to break it up when you started getting your head kicked in. And believe me, their friends were ready to jump in and literally help their buddy kick your teeth in. I am not exageratting. I remember one game where I got hit from behind so hard between the shoulders, from a kid who later ended up in jail for rape, kidnapping and attempted murder, that my body flew ten feet in the air and I literally did a sumersault without even trying or using my arms . I landed on the cement and the future rapist just laughed at me . Later in the game, another future jailbird tried to take out my knees with his stick. He swung it like a baseball bat at my knees. I jumped and he hit my foot instead. ( He went to jail because he later tried to hit someone with his car that ticked him off.) A lot of other things happened in that game I wont get into. That was the last one I ever played.I didn't want to get permanently injured, But that was what those games were like. I can't wait to hear all the comments from this post. Let's go guys. Start laughing and making jokes. This is all true. How many of you have played with people who didn't care if you left with any teeth or not. These guys didn't like to lose and they did whatever it took to win. Believe me, I kept my mouth shut and just played.
so did they ever say anything as bad as Griff said to you on sunday?
why would you keep playing?
Brett, I was in pain for 4 months (literally) from one of his upward stick swings. I thought the pain was never going to go away. I tried to mention to Griff once, but, he started to walk away and I knew it wouldn't be worth the aggravation. I didn't play the last 3 weeks from a knee injury. Guess who hurt my knee. I'll give you 3 guesses. No one knows about these injuries until now because I didn't lose my temper. So I usually try to control my temper even when I get hurt.
I didn't want to look like a wimp. You know, young guy trying to fit in. I said that I quit because it got really scary.
Wow Dale grew up in the hood
You guys don't realize that when I was young there were no witnesse to hang around with. You played hockey with worldly people or you didn't play at all. I wanted to play. Young witnesses have it way better than I did. You have a ridiculous amount of brothers to hang around with and lots of pretty sisters to go out with. I didn't have those things. I wish I was in my early 20's again. I would be like a kid in a candy store.
I didn't grow up in the hood. But my Father left us and my mother raised me and my brothers alone. We didn't have a lot of money. To this day if my father sees me he just walks away. He did it about 3 weeks ago.
Did anyone else hear that screaming? Oh Wait it was just the buttons on Griff's shirt.
Once again, another great game took place Sunday, but this time it closer than ever before. Did the earlier time yield a larger pool of talent? That's debatable, but goaltending and defense certainly played key roles. Most importantly, everybody had fun.
BOURNE POWER RANKINGS:
1. JOHN - John continued to play at a level above his competition, not only scoring but making plays. By providing, not only an offensive charge to his team, but also enhancing the play of his linemates, John takes the number one spot.
2. BILLY - Billy continues to prove (winning or losing) that he is one of the best when he is out on the ice. What holds him back is his ongoing tribute to Eric, which has him switching positions at a whim (granted, sometimes by necessity).
NOTE: The Rover position was officially removed from professional hockey in 1923. However in Bourne, many still carry on the tradition.
3. BRENDAN - Some players, like the aforementioned, single-handedly shut down defenses with a combination of speed, agility, and skill. Brendan on the other hand is special. While he may not cruise past or even fake-out defensemen, he does have one very effective weapon: comedy.
It may be as simple as fanning on a shot and falling down awkwardly, or as complex as taking the full brunt of a seemingly innocuous collision sending him 10 feet away from the puck. Either way, Brendan put on a show that was about as well performed as "Perfect Strangers" and for that, he gete the 3rd spot.
4. JONATHAN - In his second game of the season, Jonathan played stellar in net. While he credits his defense, he alone is the reason his team had the shutout going for a large portion of the game. Jonathan later admitted that his goalie helmet had been accidentally sprayed with a paint thinner-like substance while in his basement, causing the sweat to burn on his eyes and face. So, maybe he could have had the shutout!
5. DAN - Dan continues to play smart, solid defense every week. But his conservative style of play does not allow him to showcase some of his impressive moves. Nevertheless, Dan's exellent playmaking and moving of the puck probably account for more goals than he could have scored alone.
Good thing I checked this site out...now I am good and depressed
All this talk about Griff has made me hungry....
Dale young witnesses today can be worse than worldly people. Atleast with worldly people you know what to expect.
I loved when the 14 year old girl went after Dale...was that set up?
I agree that young witnesses can be worse than worldly people. I just think they have a lot more association than people of my generation did. There are many more witnesses in the world than there were in 1980 when I graduated. Boy, do i wish I was 20 again. UUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH! If I am not there next week, I commited suicide. Nothing serious.
Well to a very special "crazy" edition of BB. As BB was going over some of the very talented very colorful players we've had over the years in saugus, it dawned on him that we have some real insane/dangerous people among us, so here are your top 10!
1. Dale- Dale's blowup is now forever engraved in our minds, and so he may be unfairly put up at #1, but i highly doubt that. Posting months later on blogs that no one besides Nick is reading, and bizarre rabid animal stories keep him tops on this list.
2. Brendon- He's been under the radar for a couple months now, but BB still firmly believes Brendon is the craziest person in saugus. Just ask him to talk basic hockey strategy to you for 5 minutes and you'll see what i'm talking about.
3. Scott- Scott isn't neccessarily more crazy than the rest of us, he just has that scary combination of crazy and being big.
4. Bobcat- Anyone whose had wings and beers with bob at lew's in tewksbury knows the bazzaro world that lives inside bob's head.
5. Griff- Firing slapshots at referees and successfully utalizing name-calling in pick up hockey are only a couple things that make Griff chemically imbalanced.
6. Goggles- Ah it's been a while since i've had a good laugh, and just typing goggles gave me that. Whether it be the random f-bombs that made everyone wonder "did he just drop the f-bomb?", or actually wearing the foggy, uncomfortable, vision blocking, 3rd grade gym class dodgeball goggles, I forget where i was going with this sentence, but the point is griff is so fat the last time he saw 90210 is when he stepped on the scale.
7. D Riley- He moved to idaho, which alone can get you on a crazy list, but he's also a computer programer who can't figure out how to get onto x-box live, which makes me question his entire job, and life.
8. Entire Driscoll Family- Where do we even start. You have Brett, who thoroughly enjoys telling people all about their inadequacies, when he alone doesn't understand what sharp circular tools do to fingers. Or Billy, who goes to sports weiner line awards with this sites nemesis, scott mirch, to watch him do morgan freeman impersonations. Or Darrin, i don't know darrin, but can he please play goalie for us? Your not hurt, your like 28.
9. MikeD- Most adults gradually calm down with age, but mike gets more reckless. I think he may even enjoy getting injured. This would be an appropriate time for a steroid joke, but instead i'm going with another fat joke. Griff is so fat when he sat on a rainbow he made skittles.
10. Lee- I know lee's mad at us right now, but i have a reputation to keep up and lee needs to be on this list. There's no such thing as too competitive in my book, and sometimes when lee get's heated he gets that little twinkle in his eye, and that scares me.
There you go boys, remember we're kidding dale, remember your fat griff and have a good night everyone!
Gud speling, and, punktooashun.!
Can you please keep posting these unbelievable stories Dale? I can't believe this is happening right now!!!
I am 30 and de ol' knee just don't work like it use to. Maybe when dancing with the stars is over i'll apply some ben gay and try to play again.
I can see right through you all.
Can you see me? Am I too fat?
I guess the only thing you couldn't see was the fact that when you post with a name, it automatically puts the word "said" in for you, oh well.
wow this is the most bizzare thread I have ever read and that is 2 hours of my life I'll never get back
just for the record. you are joking right Dale?
Just have to make sure. I've had 2 suicides in my family.
Can never be too sure.
I think this is the first suicide watch on the site. There's a first for everything. :)
did we leave reeses puffs off of the cereal rankings?
Ron, those big waves you've been seeing in Hawaii? Griff took a bath.
Big Board, very funny stuff...
The rest of the stuff - Griff has already apologized to Dale, everything else can be let go. Anything further can be discussed in person (maybe over a nice cup of tea) simply because it's getting very boring to read.
Stats will be done today, and Nick should have them posted tonight.
Hey Griff, weren't you in the Nintendo game Ice Hockey?
Please don't joke about suicide, anybody. That's serious and it crosses the line. If we can't be sure it was a joke, we might even need to inform the elders. After all, if anyone did commit suicide and we saw this thread and did nothing, we would not only feel really badly about it, but we might also be bloodguilty before Jeh for not speaking up about it. Please, Dale, post back and respond to Brett that you are not serious about it. Thanks.
How do you follow up that post?
You don't. You wait until Dale replies. He's posted about 800 thousand messages in this thread alone, so if he doesn't respond to this one, I would think it would be time to be a bit concerned.
can i post yet?
I am very sorry. I am not going to commit suicide. This is my last entry. Every time I write something I regret writing it. Sorry, Brett. I shouldn't have written that. I have someone in my family, too, who attempted suicide years ago. AGAIN, I AM NOT ATTEMPTING SUICIDE. This, however is my last entry on this site. Everything gets too misunderstood. I don't want to fight anyone and I don't go there to argue. My apologies to everyone. Lastly,I want to say.. however was using my name and writing with it, PLEASE DO NOT DO IT AGAIN. SERIOUSLY!
I meant to say Whoever is using my name...STOP IT!!!!
dale i didn't think you were really suicidal. But it's one of those things were you have to ask.
Better safe than sorry kind of thing.
Hope to see you sunday
Dale we expect you there sunday! You have to keep posting too, most of us don't have day jobs and just hang out by the computer clicking refresh.
Yay! Everybody is happy again! Yay!
Jared, now you may post again.
Brett, time to get everyone riled up and angry again.
starting.........NOW!
If I can now rebound from all of THAT....here is another fat joke about Griff, but as promised, it is a homemade joke, not one I googled:
What's the difference between JB and Griff?
About 5 lbs, and one of them is made fun of for good reason.
The 6 million served sign at McDonalds is referring to how many Big Mac's Griff has consumed.
I am assuming that JB is the one that we make fun of good reason...very funny stuff! I like the home made jokes better!
i think i could live off the crumbs that fall from Griif's mouth
the great jabba the griffin
Griff + hula hoop = Saturn.
We really have nothing better to do with our time, do we?
Griff is so fat when he pulls his pants down the Greater Merrimack Valley goes to bed.
we should taking odds on if certain people will show this coming week?
Lee - 20 to 1
Dale - 10 to 1
Lenny - 5 to 1
Scotty - 100 to 1
Mike D - 15 to 1
it's better than anything else on this thread
why isnt goggles on this?
I just started the list
add who ever and change as you see fit
POWER RANKING POWER RANKINGS!!!
Wait, what? Yeah! Deal with it...to the Max!
1. WEEKLY POWER RANKINGS - Controversial with cheap shots, but authored by a person that gets the concept of power rankings as opposed to a list of the best for that particular week.
2. BOURNE POWER RANKINGS - I knew ice hockey was cool, but wow! I didn't know it was that cool! It sounds like they are a good group of brothers that play an exciting, yet respectful game.
3. POWER RANKING POWER RANKINGS - Finally, a list of lists to help readers of lists to better understand items listed in order by the order in which the lists appear.
4. CEREAL POWER RANKINGS - Free of egotism and jealousy, snide comments and harsh criticism. Just delicious breakfast treats. Thank you.
5. BIG BOARD - Hey, he tries. Give him some credit. Yeah, there are some unnecessary tangents, and the spelling needs a little work. But, you know, like I said, he makes the effort and good for him. Nice work.
Just to recap performances from this past week:
Speaking for the Dark team, I thought we played great. Brett was very good at leading the rush and coming back defensively. He also helped lead the team (well until he decided to quit on it after getting injured). Matt P added some speed and a surprising one-timer (still wish he had connected on the one at the end of game 2!). Griff was involved the offense all game. Defensively I thought Nick was a beast, but both Danny and Matt Davis were very solid too. That might have been some of the best defense I've had in the times I was in net. I'll say this for Danny too: I thought his arrival helped offset the addition of Dale to the White team. Very good job.
I can't comment on the White team very much defensively, but I thought my dad was very good in net, otherwise the games could have been much more lopsided. Out of the goals scored against me, I was impressed by three of them: Jared's tip-shot, Dale's wrister that beat me glove side, and the one-timer by Reggie (great shot). Mike M has a surprisingly good shot too. Outside of that I wasn't too impressed with the White team offensively. Jared looked spent from having to play defense. Brendon was a non-factor. I did notice though that Dale looked to pass a bit more, and actually made a couple of nice ones.
Anyway, aside from the drama, that's how I saw the action on Sunday.
johnny how could you see all that with Griff out on the ice?
Griff not fat, he's fluffy
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