With all the excitement of the new, up to date stats coming next year, I thought it to be best to be as transparent as possible with how and why the stats will be kept the way they will, all the while keeping in mind that I want this new database of stats to be as holy and sacred as Johnny views the old stats. We don't keep track of stats for the fun of it, it's for personal glory.
The following are factors that will determine whether stats will be tracked in the new database:
1. Playing Surface Condition/Material
- Playing surface must be of highest grade PVC tile manufactured in Arizona by by the Jorge Nunez Co. or some paved/ poorly drained asphalt by some guy who works for the Lawrence park department put down.
- If the moisture content on the PVC tile is 94% or below with trash barrels catching the stream of water poring through the roof, or if the PVC tile is slicker than ice itself, stats will count.
- If the asphalt causes the ball to "stick" on one of Johnny's shot's more than 3 times in 2 hours, stats will not count.
- Due to the small rink being surrounded by chain-link, Demaio's stats will be de-rated by 34% due to the clear, undeniable advantage it gives him.
2. Balls Allowed
- If weather outside is so as to cause the pink ball to be squishy, switching to the orange ball will be permitted as long as goalies agree on allowing it.
- If the temperature inside causes the pink ball to be too hard, the yellow ball will be allowed as a substitute with a pro-rating on the goalie stats due to the 17% increase in the difficulty to see the ball itself.
- Tie-dye balls are out of the question.
3. Rosters
- If the roster on any given night contains more than 55% of regulars (a player with over 63 games played. i.e. Cliff, Lee, Cindy, Lenny and the much improved Matt Schumale) Stats will count.
- If the roster on any given night contains less than 55% of regulars stats will not count unless I am present and accrue 12 points or 4 PPG (which ever is less) then stats will count.
- Stats from games of 3 on 3 are allowed on all surfaces.
4. My Mood
- If I'm leading in stats and miss a week and Jared makes it a tight race with a 17 point week, stats will be delayed till 3 weeks from then but no more than 4.
- A winning percentage of 60% or more is usually enough to keep me content.
- Phantom points complained about will be adjusted with no witness needed to confirm the accusation.
I can't wait for September. In the meantime, I'm hoping Frendon can send over all the stats from this year if he still has them and I can get those up and posted.
6 comments:
Brett, while I found this post to be just mildly entertaining, I do appreciate your efforts to keep this blog alive.
What about the once every 4-5 years we play at those weird tennis courts or in front of Johnny's house, will those stats count?
If I deem them worthy.
Is this the last week of hockey in Lawrence?
Billy, if we have the guys I am willing to play until we do Saugus again.
As far as this week we need another goalie in addition to Brett. Can Darrin or Mike play this week?
Its going to start to get too hot to play outside.
But Mike and I are in if we play this week.
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