WEEKLY POWER RANKINGS

New Hampshire Golf Tournament, September 18-20 2015

“It's Over”

1 Brett – On the biggest stage, under the brightest lights, Brett shined. After going 5-0 in Thursdays basement games, Brett came out and bludgeoned Jimmy on Saturday; Gracefully embarrassing him, and putting to rest any question as to why Ariel settled Brett over Jimmy (although that became less and less of an accomplishment as the weekend progressed) While there were many deserving of 1st, Brett deserved it most after only coming in 2nd in the Ottawa trip. Ya, I figured id finish up the Ottawa rankings right here while I'm at it. Hope Nick doesn't think this is a new low for WPR.

2 Jared – Not only did Jared finish the weekend 6-1 with Brett as his teammate in the basement games, he was also able to go 5-0 with Iggy and finished with an impressive 11-1 record. Unfortunately bullying knows no bounds and actually reared its ugly head Friday night, claiming Jared as it's victim. Jared was able to overcome everyone making fun of his poorly pleated pants and provided us with the biggest moment there was, sinking a 12' birdie putt from the fringe on 18 to win the tournament, making Zack drop 37 F-bombs in his head. The golf gods were smiling upon Jared this weekend.

3 Griff – As steady as they come. Griff is the center of the North Conway Universe. No matter how many people are there, Griff is the one you want to be around to be assured a good time. Now he didn't fair too well on the golf course and surely that should be a big knock against him. But we all know what this ranking is really all about. Who you playing with in 2 weeks?

4 Ward – Some people (1 person) just don't understand Ward's sense of humor and comedic timing and those people should be slapped in the face by Zack. Ward was attacked for the way he involves himself in conversations and that didn't sit too well. Never before has Ward focused his disdain on someone other than Jared for so long. Him and Shane were unable to do anything of note on the courses other than some chip-ins.

5 Borges – My heart goes out to Borges, it truly does. He was so dejected and depressed and annoyed by the time that Sunday rolled around, that no matter how many tolls he drove through on the way home, it just wasn't going to make a difference nor were the 38 scriptures Jimmy quoted. I hope you learned your lesson. Never go 0-100 and never miss out on a Thursday night in North Conway. Did you get to watch the tape?

6 Jamie – Jamie gave us some of the best 1 liners all weekend and it didn't hurt that they were mostly about the same person. Cargo shorts, Dobson, punching Jared's friend in the face, restraining orders. I have no idea how he did playing golf.

7 Iggy – Iggy wasn't overwhelmingly entertaining this weekend like he has been in the past and the gifts for winning longest drive and closest to pin were just short of embarrassing. If he wants to be ranked higher next year he should probably think about spending more time with Jared.

8 Jessie – Being nice doesn't get you rewarded in North Conway. His refusal to be integrated into any one of the cliques that were formed, and his inability to understand simple rules to a game really hampered his chances at a higher spot on the rankings. But after promising to never let anyone discourage him from accomplishing any of his spiritual goals in life, Jessie went out and played a round of golf that was simply amazing. Easily the best golfer for the weekend.

9 Joe – It's just not fair that a stinking 97 year old guy gets to hit from 30 yards closer. I'm sure Iggy will have all the kinks worked out by next year. And by kinks I mean the roster. Joe was on point Saturday as a twosome with Brett and his ability to go from loving his teammate to hating him in an instant was something unique. I'm just glad I was able to see him have the happiest day of his life.

10 Mike Meadows – As soon as he clears out all the mold in the basement and lets us be slobs that don't have to cleanup after ourselves, he'll be a lock for the top 10 every year. This year he just barely squeaked in. Will the dashiki joke ever get old?

11 Bruce – Another pity rank here. Five and a half hours of golf, knowing that your teammate has zero chance of doing anything helpful or productive.

12 John Star – He's like a tractor beam.

13 Zack – He did what the other 14 people in the house only dreamt about and I'm not talking about playing a 1 player grandprix in mariokart 64.

14 Shane – Who throws their clubs?

15 Phil – This ranking is a bit confusing here. Without Phil, the weekend just doesn't get ranked. I would love to tell you all the things Phil did, but you simply would not believe it. From taking dumps in peoples back yards, to hoarding entire bottles his favorite drink to undoing all the hard work that Jared did. Rest assured that Phil and his political wardrobe will be back for next years tournament.

16 Jimmy – I can't stress enough what a pleasure it was to watch Jimmy interact with 15 other people. It was a treat. A real treat. As the Brendon Martino of the social world, Jimmy could do no wrong. Whether it be him applying Proverbs 25:11 for 3 straight hours or cracking a lighthearted, whimsical math/calender/time of day/conception joke or his retelling of some of the incredible parts that took place at a recent Thursday night meeting. All I know is that the sky is the limit for this kid. And after just 2 whole nights of genuine laughter and endearing comradery, Jimmy road off into the sunset feeling more confident than ever before in his ability to be everything to everyone, everywhere all the time. Not one person who was there this past weekend can say Jimmy didn't leave a lasting impression on them.