Reekly Wower Prankings

I just got word that WPR wasn't around this week...or last time we played...or...whatever...So here is another exciting round of RWP! (now with 50% less sarcasm and 40% less backbiting!)


10. Brendon - As usual, with any of my subjective rankings, when I am writing them I do not rank myself or else just put myself last by default so as not to be biased. I mean, what would you think of me if I placed MYSELF high on my own list?
What kind of a self-righteous jerk would do THAT? Exactly. So not gonna use any injuries as an excuse. I'm right here where I belong. But I sure could have used that early sub if Jean hadn't decided to take a 20 min bathroom break at the start of the game...foo on me for trying hard and expecting a sub on our bench, I guess. Ugh.
Next week, I'm going to pre-slice my own Achilles tendon just to take the suspense out of when it will happen during the game. Fun! (I was awful.)

9. Jared - What a great night he had. Had some nice plays. May have made top three on this list had it not been for the three straight times he teed up on poor Chris in net from 50 feet. He won the game against a winger on his side who had never even seen a hockey game before in his life (Jean), and a goalie that had never played a minute in net (Chris Y) prior to subbing for Dave. Nice.
Classic Jared. I heard he bought a bumper sticker that says: 'Kick em when he's down.' He's using it as hockey tape.

8. Jean - bless his heart...

7. Chris Y (the goalie) - Hey, what do you expect from an old man who has never donned the pads before and had to emergency sub? He did as well as about 90% of the rest of us would have fared...too bad his play as a defenseman can't have the same excuse...

6. Reggie - He never ceases to amaze me at the randomness of the questions he asks..Do I have a double A battery? Yes..Is it new or used? Used. Ah, forget it then. He just chucks his insulin pump away and puts up a four point night, that's all.
(Incidentally, I think he set a new record for the fastest three vulture assists in Saugus history...can't blame him though...Jared's eyes were on Chris and he smelled blood...I would have done the same thing if I was him...wait.....I did.) Moving on...

5. Steve F - Not a pretty week by any stretch of the imagination, but it got the job done. Next time he is on my team, I'm spraying his leg pads down with stick-um. He played well for a guy who is just a couple weeks off physically therapy. Think you can do better? Jump in net. But seriously, he probably crapped his pants a little last night...

4. Dave (the hobbled winger? hobbled defenseman? IDK) - I don't know what position he was playing when he was out of net, but clearly his foot felt much better than when in net. Had some nice plays on 3-on-1s (hey, there are a LOT of you who mess up on those mismatches!) and he almost got his team in a position to win that last game. Almost. Well, maybe not. 50-50. Get back in net, Dave.

3. Mike Ward - Mike is like the Dos Equis most interesting hockey player: "I don't always run hard, but when I do, I do it pointlessly..." After getting traded to the white team after game 1, Mike had zero goals and just one assist. Pffft. I could have done that...Oh, wait...I did. Moving on...

2. John R - Johnny might be the King of Saugus, but his Royal Court blows. ...I don't know what I mean by that...Moving on...

1. Mike M - This was my chance to get an old man a #1 ranking before he retired in FL at Del Vista Boca...Del Voca Bistro...Dell..Del Bocus Vistra...Ah, you know the place I mean. Next up Mike will be sporting some nipple-high hockey pants, some extra-strength Ben-Gay-dispensing leg pads and a stick with a cane hook at the end of it...hey....that's not a half-bad idea...think of the legs you could trip up with that....hmmmmmmm.....

Honorable mention: Lee - Last night marked the return of the famous (or infamous) seeing-eye-shot from Lee. It's steeped in an old Saugus Legend that has once again come back to show us all that you don't need to shoot hard or aim to get a 30 mph wrister to go in.
All you need is pound of pluck, which is worth about an ounce of luck, according to the Dept of Weights and Measures. Oh, and good to see he's not showing any signs of concussion from last time...I think...well in my defense, it's really hard to tell who's playing normal and who's playing 9 cents short of the dime. We all stink. End of review. And you are now dumber for having read it.